Growing up is a choice. Becoming an adult doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t just wake up one day with your childhood a thing of the past, it is a decision. Every time you open your eyes to find yourself blessed with a new day, you have to decide to be an adult.

adulting

Dear all, in a previous post The mid mid-life crisis no one ever tells you about., I spoke briefly about 20 being a confusing age, stuck in limbo between childhood and adulthood, and I also mentioned it being a time to grow up. Today’s post is going to trigger some, I know there’s those that straight after reading this or even during, will be able to come up with a million and one excuses as to why it’s not that simple as deciding to grow up and then consequently being grown. And some of these excuses may be valid, because life isn’t simple, it’s not fair and it has a funny way of fucking you up so badly that you feel like everything is out of your hands. So today’s post will be focused on gaining back some of the control you think you’ve lost and in doing so learning about what it takes to finally grow up.

A tree only grows if you water it.

Firstly I want you to know that you are not special. Everything you can do, anything you think you’re the best at, there is someone out there, maybe several others, thinking the same thing. I’m unsure whether I felt like I could get through life by coasting because I genuinely believed it would be enough or because I just didn’t want more for myself but either way I’m glad that I woke up. Because the first thing you need to learn about being an adult is that we can’t all win, we’re not in Kansas anymore kids and Oz is competitive. There’s nothing wrong with being what some may perceive as mediocre if you’re sure you’ve put your all into getting there, but if you know you want, deserve or need more it’s not gonna fall into your lap. The harsh reality is that you need to put the work in. I hate the term “our generation”, usually because people use it in situations which aren’t exclusive to our generation but in this instance it is. Our generation is ruled by instant gratification, we don’t like to wait for anything, and that can have it’s benefits, but it also has it’s drawbacks. As much the need for things quickly has allowed for the growth in entrepreneurship within our community, it’s also had the effect of creating the illusion that success should come easy. Growing up means stepping out of the fantasy childhood has created that things come to good people who deserve them and walk in to the reality that a tree only grows if you water it. Shower yourself in daily affirmations that you can get the work done, keep learning, and whenever you catch yourself slacking off remind yourself of the reasons you’re doing it all in the first place.

Growing up with depression.

Putting the work in and deciding to act like an adult in situations seems easy enough but what happens when you feel so crippled by your emotions that getting out of bed is a challenge. Like I said before, there are some things in life you can control but having a mental illness is not a choice. However, what you decide to do after becoming aware of your mental state definitely is down to you. Depression has a way of stripping you of your autonomy, of making tasks which are so small seem impossible, to the point where making a phone call which could last no more than 5 minutes is a daunting burden. For those who feel like this, growing up is going to be extra difficult, because whereas the average person just has to push past their own laziness, you not only have to decide to be an adult everyday but you also need to decide that you want to get better and that’s not easy. But it’s not impossible, growing up is something you have to do when your struggling with your mental health, you have to make tough decisions, face yourself at your worst and constantly be aware of the difference between your own thoughts and the thoughts that have been tampered with. Growing up means being able to articulate how you feel to others, and knowing when you need to take time out to look after your mental health. Instead of ignoring what’s wrong with you or running from it, being an adult in these situations forces you to confront your demons, firstly by acknowledging them, then by understanding how your illness manifests and lastly by creating a plan to work through them.

This part of the post is addressed to anyone who has ever felt like their life was out of their control. To anyone who has ever felt powerless in a situation, to those who have told themselves something was God’s plan or fate. Whether something was the work of the universe, God or a series of random decisions made by billions of people everyday is irrelevant because it’s how you decide to act after that matters. Growing up means deciding to act like an adult, it doesn’t devoid you of all childish feelings and thoughts but it means that with every choice you make you have to push those feelings aside. It means accepting things you have no control over. But also understanding that just because one thing or even many things seem to be happening in your life that you have no say over, the way you react to those situations is something you do have full reign over.

Well I guess what I’m trying to say is choose to be an adult. Choose to think rationally. Choose to feel. Choose to listen. Choose to act. Choose to not dwell in your feelings so long that you lose yourself. Choose others. Choose yourself. Choose to be better. Just don’t give up your fight to choose because hardship has shown you that sometimes we don’t call the shots. The facts of life are that people die, people get into financial difficulties, relationships fail, friendships crumble and family may not always have your back but if we were to believe that everything is out of our hands anyway then what’s the point in living? And I say all of this because the difference between being a child and being adult is that we have to live without the fairytale that life if easy, santa isn’t real, unicorns don’t exist and there’s a pretty large chance that we may not all get our happily ever afters but life was never about the end goal. The prize at the end of life is death so make no mistake it’s all about the journey and so it’s about our choices.

 

Argumentative, Outspoken and unapologetically Jaydee x

 

 

 

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