“I don’t catch feelings, I catch bus”

 

nene

Dear all, your bitch is back with a new post, but today we’re gonna take the focus off of social justice and shed some light on a new topic. When I occasionally get out of my head and visit the real world it seems all the kids are talking about these days are fuckboys. We’ve hailed west Africa as the hub of demonic chocolate darlings and people are finally starting to wise up to these Caribbean boys tactics (no baby he’s not a sweetboy, he just has game). In a previous post “The mid mid-life crisis no one ever tells you about” I talked about being in an age purgatory, and when it comes to love, the confusion of whether to act like an adult or enjoy your younger years is just as mind-boggling. In today’s post I’m gonna attempt to guide you girls and guys, who know you aren’t necessarily ready to settle down but still have .. certain needs, on the ways to slang/receive dick without thinking of colour schemes for you and future bae’s house within two weeks of fucking with them. And because I can’t help but perceive everything under the feminist lens we’re gonna dispel couple common myths along the way.

RULE NUMBER 1 – Choose wisely.

Okay the first rule is easily the most important, choose wisely bitch. Remember what you came here to do, I’m by no means saying have no standards but you shouldn’t have the same list of requirements for your future long-term partner and the person you’re offing pant for. You’re not looking for boyfriend material you’re searching for fuck buddy fabric these are very different things. This goes for mandem as well, if you don’t 100% know what you want yet, stop choosing to fuck with girls who are ready to give you the world, it may seem like you’ve hit the jackpot but in reality you’re gonna end up regretting it, a couple months down the line when it all turns to shit and she’s crying in your ear. The problem with choosing someone who ticks so many of your boxes is not only the higher risk of being engulfed by the sauce and consequently becoming lost in it, but when someone has one too many of the good qualities you want, you often overlook the shitty ones. The last thing you wanna do is be in a situation where you’ve tricked yourself into liking someone who isn’t right for you.

The first rule was the most important because it sets precedent however, rule number two is the golden one. But before I reveal what that is, it’s time for a quick myth buster – Sex cannot, I repeat CANNOT make you catch feelings. And this goes for both girls and guys, whether you start to like someone after laying or receiving pipe depends on how much importance you have personally placed on sex. We all know girls are socialised to see sex as a degrading act, it’s looked at as something we shouldn’t be doing and if we are getting our back blown we’re demonised if it’s not with someone we’re in love with. When you take all of the pressure girls feel, to see sex as something with so much value into account, it’s logical to assume this is why so many of us find it difficult to remove sex from emotion. It’s not like girls have a direct link from the heart straight to the vagina, it’s just that girls are more likely to place a heavier importance on the act and what happens after, than boys are. 

RULE 2 – Don’t chat to me

No, I don’t wanna know your star sign, No, don’t really care that your dog died, No, I don’t wanna meet you nowhere (unless you got a free yard 👅), I promise you I want none of your time. The golden rule is to stop spending time with people you see no future with. Are you listening ?? Stop going on dates even if you’re not calling it a date, if your not linking up so you can hook up wyd .. issa date. Why you on facetime bro? Why are you having late night convo’s about your passions and aspirations ? Save those talks for future wife. Stop messaging throughout the day, you don’t need to know what they’ve been up to, that doesn’t concern you. Stop overstaying your welcome, it doesn’t take 2 days to beat. We’re only watching netflix for aesthetic purposes, why you getting comfortable? Another thing that people often don’t realise is how much spending time with someone can impact their outlook on that person. Things like chilling together even if you’re not having sex, going out to eat, talking for hours on the phone etc. are like slip streams into the sauce. We usually do these things without a second thought, and if you chose wisely, getting to know the person your laying down with may be harmless, but if you know you’re the type of person who gets attached easily, keep the extra-curricular’s to a minimum. People often misplace the source of them catching feelings to having regular sex with someone when in reality it’s all the extra time spent not having sex that has their heads feeling hot. Another thing, don’t confuse comfortability with having a genuine connection with someone, it’s so easy to get used to speaking to someone everyday and fall into routine with them, that when they’re no longer there we feel like something’s missing even if they weren’t all that special.

This part of the post is addressed to anyone who is in the seemingly unfortunate position of being a baby boy/girl at heart but for some reason has fallen into serious like with someone; Let. It. Fucking. Happen. So many people (mainly males x) are obsessed with the idea of going with the flow, of taking pressure off of things by letting them progress naturally and just sort of seeing where things end up, but I’ve noticed this rule only applies when feelings are not involved. As soon as we get ankle deep into the sauce all of a sudden we want off the boat, going with the flow, accepting the feelings we have and just letting things happen now sounds absurd and we no longer want to see where things end up. Don’t block your blessings by putting unnecessary pressure onto situations, this may not have come when you expected it to but it’s here now so instead of micro managing, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

Well I think what I’m trying to say is that, though you can’t completely control who you fall for, and that if you do feel yourself falling if it’s for the right one you should allow yourself to do so, following certain simple rules can be a great preventative tactic. This is simply a beginners guide on how not to catch feelings, just some basic steps you can follow to allow yourself to become the sexually liberated person you’ve always wanted to be. If you really aren’t looking for anything serious stay away from serious candidates and stop bloody whatsapping. For some, the reasons they always find themselves constantly in and out of relationships run a lot deeper than late night phone calls, so consider this post to be the first in a series aimed at emotion management. Oh and to the unicorn that sparked this post, and who is testament to my unwavering hypocrisy, I’m still not hearing it x

 

Argumentative, Outspoken and unapologetically Jaydee x

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