I learned some things when I turned twenty.
I learnt that nothing changes
But I was expected to change
Dear all, I know it’s been a while since my last post but rest assured I haven’t abandoned my blog. These last few weeks have been a time of self reflection and evaluation and of course a hell of a lot of thinking. In thinking about myself and my life I began to think of you guys, and yours. Are my personal problems exclusive to me or are the things keeping me up at night the same or similar to the thoughts that flash through the minds of other 20 somethings as it approaches dawn ? As the night sky bleeds blue, is it just me sprawl out on my bed pondering my future or are we all staring upwards fixated on that one spot on the ceiling or staring blankly at the wall ? In today’s post I aim to articulate what I know a lot of us are thinking and talk about the mid mid-life crisis no one ever tells you about.
1). HOW ARE THEY DOING ALL OF THIS ?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned since turning twenty, it’s that twenty is not as old as it sounds. When I was younger twenty year olds (as I imagined them), were adults, big people who had jobs, or went to university, were in relationships and who could even have kids. Twenty year olds had cars they had homes and most importantly they had money. And to be honest I wasn’t wrong, that is the case for some, however what I quickly found, was that this wasn’t the case for all. If you’re like me and have friends or people around you who are doing great things it’s hard not to compare what they’re doing and where they’re at, to our own accomplishments or lack thereof.
But what I often find is that the comparisons we make aren’t fair. We inflate our shortcomings, and usually don’t take into consideration all that it took, to get us where we are in life today. The truth of the matter is, we can never fairly compare ourselves to others, everybody on this planet is on their own journey, we all have different experiences, we can’t expect to be where others are because others haven’t been where we’ve been. To get a little scientific with it, life stages between people are not comparable because we’ve been exposed to different variables, we weren’t all born and built under the same conditions so it would be foolish of us to question why another is seemingly doing “better” than us. This is not to say that our fate is sealed by our pasts and that those in a good position are there merely due to chance, we do need to take some responsibility. However, what I will say is that we need to be kinder to, and more understanding of ourselves. Spend less time watching face and more time looking inward, run your own race, at a pace that’s good for you and try not to see life as a competition, because there will always be someone ahead of you.
2). AT YOUR AGE ?
First of all that phrase is one that can cave your whole chest in. Who knew three little words could have such an impact ?? But seriously guys even though I previously mentioned that stages in life aren’t comparable, what should universally come with turning twenty is a heightened level of maturity. If you still deal with or attack problems the same way you did when you wore kickers, a just-do-it bag and shag bands then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. A lot of people don’t wanna hear this (me included) but it’s time to grow the fuck up. There are some truths that I had to learn the hard way and I hope by sharing them you’ll exit this page with a sense of preparedness.
Firstly, the world owes you nothing. Now this is something I’d heard more than a few times but never really knew what the fuck it meant until I fell into some hardships. As you grow up you will quickly find that the universe does not give a damn, it doesn’t care if you went through some shit as a child, it doesn’t care that you’ve had to struggle, it doesn’t care that you feel like you won’t survive another bout of bad luck. The world keeps spinning regardless and the faster you learn, that when you fall the only person you should rely on to get back on your feet again is yourself, the better.
Secondly, deal with your flaws. We all know that no one is perfect and all that jazz, flaws are a part of what makes us human. But if your finding that people keep pulling you up on the same things repeatedly, you need to think about whether “just being how you are” is worth potentially losing the people who care about you. And also, try not to shoot the messenger, no one wants to hear negative things about themselves but it’s a part of life and growing up, you can’t be coddled for ever. The first step in addressing your flaws is accepting that you have them, so find out what it is that drives others mad about you and make a conscious effort to be better.
Lastly, learn how to communicate. This is something that so many people think they’re good at and yet lack of communication is so rife within our age group. Find your voice. Learn how to say no. And stop waiting until your at breaking point to address an issue. If something is bugging you say it with your chest, leave passive aggressive tendencies in your teens.
3). WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ?!?
Babe lemme just tell you from now that most of us have no fucking clue what we’re doing. Aside from the small few that have their shit all the way together, most of us are in free fall. And that is perfectly okay. It is okay to not know what direction you want your life to go in. Don’t believe the rumours, you do not have to have your whole life plan sorted at twenty years old. At this age we’re still figuring out what we like, what we don’t like, what our passions are etcetera etcetera. We are learning new things about ourselves every day and for some, our minds change like the seasons.
This part of the post is addressed to anyone who is scared shitless about their future, take a deep breath, pause and think. Not a panicked over-thinking state where no real thinking is actually taking place and you’re just worrying. But actually take the time out to think about your purpose. It comes to us at different times, some take longer to figure it out than others but once you uncover it you’ll realise deep down you knew what you wanted to do all along. Think about what motivates you, about what pisses you off. If your money motivated and being broke angers you, make sure you aim to do something that’s gonna rake in the coins. If you’re finding it difficult, involve your friends in the thought process, as much as we feel like no one knows us better than we know ourselves, sometimes your friends can pick up on things you may have overlooked.
Well I think what I’m trying to say is, twenty is a confusing time. We always hear about the mid life crisis, but no one ever talks about the psychological mess turning twenty brings. We’re living in an age purgatory, a confusing existence straddling adolescence and adulthood. Constantly being told to get our shit together by adults who who are still learning how to navigate the world themselves. If you take one thing from this let it be that your 20s is a time of self discovery, and most importantly growth.
Argumentative, Outspoken and unaplogetically Jaydee x